Save the trees ... Wipe
your butt with an owl.
Necrophilia: That uncontrollable urge to crack open a cold one.
Honk if you've never seen an Uzi fired from a car window
Seen on the back of a biker's vest: If you can read this, my wife fell off.
Fight Crime: Shoot Back!
If you can read this, please flip me back over... (seen upside down, on a Jeep)
Never raise your hands to your kids; it leaves your groin unprotected.
Remember folks: Stop lights timed for 35mph are also timed for 70mph.
GUYS: No shirt, no service. GALS: No shirt, no charge.
If walking is so good for you, then why does my mailman look like Jabba the Hut??
Impotence: Nature's way of saying: "No hard feelings"
Heart Attacks...God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of smart?
Axe me about Ebonics
Boldly going nowhere
Cat: The other white meat
CAUTION - Driver legally blonde
Don't be sexist - broads hate that!
Eat Well, Stay Fit, Die Anyway
He's not dead, He's electroencephalographically challenged
If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you
If you can't dazzle them with brilliance,riddle them with bullets
If you lived in your car, you'd be home by now
WARNING! Driver only carries $20.00 in ammunition
What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull
Your ridiculous little opinion has been noted.
Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.
Could you drive any better if I shoved that cell phone up your . . . ?
If you can read this, I can slam on my brakes and sue you!
100,000 sperm and YOU were the fastest?
Your gene pool needs a little chlorine.
DON'T PISS ME OFF! I'M RUNNING OUT OF PLACES TO HIDE THE BODIES.
You are depriving some poor village of its IDIOT
Save Your Breath ... You'll need it to blow up your date!
Forget world peace. Visualize using your turn signal.
My Hockey Mom Can Beat Up Your Soccer Mom
GROW YOUR OWN DOPE, PLANT A MAN
All Men Are Animals, Some Just Make Better Pets
Some people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
WANTED: Meaningful overnight relationship.
BEER: It's not just for breakfast anymore.
I need someone really bad...Are you really bad?
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs.
Out of my mind...Back in five minutes.
Hang up and drive.
Smile, it's the second best thing you can do with your lips.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
Where there's a will...I want to be in it.
It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.
Don't drink and drive...You might hit a bump and spill your drink.
We are born naked, wet, and hungry....Then things get worse.
Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Be nice to your kids...They will pick out your nursing home.
Your father should have pulled out.
Why selective birth control? Look in the mirror.
I'd slap you, but shit splatters.
Always remember you're unique...Just like everyone else.
Honk If You Want To See My Finger
I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
We are Microsoft. Resistance Is Futile. You Will Be Assimilated.
Jesus is coming, everyone look busy.
The more people I meet, the more I like my dog.
Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
A cat almost always blinks when hit in the head with a ball peen hammer.
There's too much blood in my alcohol system.
I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.
You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.
So you're a feminist...Isn't that cute!
Horn broken, watch for finger.
The more you complain, the longer God lets you live.
My kid had sex with your honor student.
Jesus loves you... Everyone else thinks you're an asshole.
I'm just driving this way to piss you off.
Keep honking, I'm reloading.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
God must love stupid people, he made so many.
I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen.
I didn't fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
There's too much youth, how about a fountain of smart.
When you do a good deed, get a receipt, in case heaven is like the IRS.
Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.
If you smoke after sex, you're doing it too fast.
I got a gun for my wife, best trade I ever made.
I don't care, I don't have to.
To all you virgins, thanks for nothing.
I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.
All men are idiots... I married their king.
This isn't burger king, you can't have it your way.
If at first you do succeed, try not to look astonished.
Spotted owls taste just like chicken.
I love animals...they're delicious.
I know what you're thinking, and you should be ashamed of yourself.